Why is parenting an issue?
Life style
The first formative years are very important and a good parent-child relationship could have a lasting influence on your child. Your parenting skills when your children are small could influence them for the rest of their lives.
Many adult patients consulted the doctors with problems that they are able trace back to their early childhood years. Hypnotherapy and age regression took them back in time to the beginning of their problems. Often it was things that had happened when they were three to five years old.
When you adopt a child, you are investigated in detail to decide whether you will be a good enough parent. In contrast to this, anyone can have a child the natural way. Many young parents are poorly prepared for this responsibility. They repeat the mistakes their parents had made. Unsatisfactory parenting advice gets passed on for generations.
New baby:
In the beginning it’s all uncomplicated. The baby drinks, excretes, sleeps and cries. When the first three are adequately taken care of, the fourth won’t be much of a problem. Everything is simple and straight forward. Except when the baby is ill.
It doesn’t remain like that. All too soon your baby grows and takes on the complexities of a human being. Positive parenting now becomes important. You need good parenting tips and help. How should you discipline your child and what are you going to do about tantrums, etc?
We are not talking about abnormal situations, like autistic children, alcoholic parents, etc. We are talking about normal families and how good, organized, positive parenting should be.
Parenting Styles:
Parenting can roughly be divided into four styles. The effect on the child will differ for each style. Of course, there are exceptions.
These styles are:
Authoritarian Parenting
Permissive (Indulgent) Parenting
Democratic (Authoritative) Parenting
Uninvolved Parenting
You and your partner may differ in your parenting styles and this could cause tension and stress.
Authoritarian Parenting:
Authoritarian parents always try to be in control of their children and they have strict rules to which the children have to adhere, or else! These strict rules are often enforced without much warmth and affection, by physical and verbal abuse.
They tell their children what to do and make them obey. Their children are usually not provided with any choices. They seldom explain why they want their children to do things and their reason is “because I said so”.
These parents tend to focus on bad behavior rather than encourage the good things their children do. The children are scolded or punished when they break the rules. The home atmosphere is tense and there is a lot of scolding, yelling, spanking, humiliation and criticizing.
The children of authoritarian parents usually don’t learn to think for themselves. They have a low self-esteem, feel angry, scared and powerless. The lessons of life they learn, is violence, lying and blind obedience to authority. As teenagers they are likely to rebel, run away from home, fight with others, and experiment with drugs and sexual promiscuity. Their parents complain that their teenagers no longer talk with them.
Permissive (Indulgent) Parenting:
Permissive parents leave everything up to the child and make few, if any, rules. They want their children to feel free. They don’t set clear boundaries and give children as many choices as possible.
The home atmosphere can become chaotic. In order to get children to coöperate, they often have to resort to pleading, bribing, nagging and lecturing.
The children feel insecure and confused and their real needs are not met. The lessons they learn, is how to manipulate others and they develop little self-discipline. The parents place few demands or controls on them. They become selfish, demanding, manipulative and irresponsible. The children either become spoiled brats or ‘spoiled sweet’ children.This style of parenting nearly triples the risk of their teen participating in heavy drinking.
Democratic (Authoritative) Parenting:
Democratic is probably a better name for this style, because ‘authoritative’ could be confused with ‘authoritarianfocus on their children being good and reinforce good behavior, rather than focusing on the bad. This is a child-centered approach. The parents can understand their children’s feelings and teach them how to regulate them.
When the child leaves her toys in the doorway, she is told that somebody could trip over them and get hurt and the toy will break. Decisions and power is shared by everyone, including the child. When punishing a child, the parents will explain the reason for the punishment. The punishments will be consistent and not harsh or arbitrary. The parents typically forgive and teach instead of punishing when the child falls short.
The home atmosphere is relaxed and everyone participates in ‘problem solving’. The children feel their needs are met. They feel happy, secure, confident and they have a high self-esteem. They learn self-discipline and responsibility.
This is the most recommended style of parenting.
Uninvolved Parenting:
Uninvolved parents are neglectful, detached, dismissive or hands-off. The parents are undemanding and do not set limits. They take little notice of their children’s emotions and opinion. They are not supportive of their children but only provide their basic needs, such as food , housing and pocket-money.
These children will develop the sense that other aspects of the parents’ live are more important than they are. They become emotionally withdrawn from social activities. They will attempt to provide for themselves and become independent from their parents. As adolescents they may show patterns of truancy and delinquency.